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I cried real tears today. I, like, most people sat in front of my television at 8:00 pm, waiting to hear what I already knew in my heart. Yet, I was still trying to hold on to a glimmer of hope. A small, almost indiscernible glimmer, but there nonetheless. I was watching my Twitter feed and Facebook posts and so many were posting that they too felt the same way. I think, if we're completely honest, everyone in America (and beyond) knew that Darren Wilson would not be indicted for the unnecessary, unprovoked murder of Micheal Brown. 

No, I wasn't there. No, I don't know if Micheal did attack Wilson in his car. No, I don't know if Micheal tried to go for Wilson' gun. I also don't know if Wilson shot Micheal in the back as he was running away, continued to shoot at him as he raised his hands in surrender or stood over him as he lay bleeding in the street.  I wasn't there. 

What I do know is he won't stand trial for it. I do know that the Ferguson officials and police department drew out an unnecessary, agonizing thing for 100 days that could have been decided days after it occurred. All that was wanted, all that has been asked from the beginning, was for Darren Wilson to have to stand trial. That's it. It's no doubt that it would have been a given had the tables been turned and Darren Wilson had been a Black cop killing a unarmed, white teenager. Let's be real. 

Please be clear. All that was asked was that Wilson have a trial. For him to have to be held accountable for what he did. Just like anyone else would have had to had they done what he did. But nope. In this America, it is more than okay to kill unarmed Black men and not have to worry about repercussions. Trayvon Martin. Chavis Carter. Ezell Ford, to name a few. And now Micheal Brown. People keep saying this is a racist thing. And while part of that is true, it's more about a right//wrong thing. 

My nephew, who is 4 years old, has a real tangible fear of the police. If he sees a police officer or those lights flashing, he gets scared and says something about the police "getting him" or at times, "killing us". He's FOUR! There is no reason in the world a child should be scared of those that are supposed to protect him. Except of course, we live in this America. This America where the life of a Black man is worth less than that of a dog. So damn sad.

It's a damn shame that at 4, my baby knows this fear. We try to tell him that he doesn't have to be scared of the police but I honestly think he sees the uncertainty of that statement in our eyes. Because he will say okay. But that doesn't stop the same conversation from repeating the next time we see a police officer. And sadly, in this America, it's an understandable fear.