What 2013 Taught Me...

I sit here typing this yet still can't believe it is the end of the year. Like.. literally, today is the last day. Where did the year go??? It seems like just weeks ago I was doing my "What 2012 Taught Me" blog, and here I am doing another one. Time sure seems to be moving faster than it has in the past.. Or is that just me? 

I must say 2013 started okay then kinda went downhill from there. It really wasn't a great year for me. Now that's not to say I'm not appreciative of everything or for the mere fact that I'm still here.. but, it was rough. I saw someone say online today that they couldn't understand why people were saying they had bad year seeing as how they were still alive and many others weren't. I feel like being appreciative of life is about much more than being alive. 

Some days you can't appreciate the struggle. Some days you don't know how you are gonna  go on... or even if you want to. Some days you feel like you just can't take it anymore. Those are rough days... and that's putting it mildly. I've had quite a few rough days this year.. I've shed more tears.. I've had more sad moments than I have in a while. I've had more "Why is nothing in my life going right" panics and all that. Yeah... rough. 

But I'd be remiss if I didn't also say, I've laughed. I've met some great people. I've been lucky to receive more love than ever before. And I've learned. I'm always grateful for lessons. I may not be grateful in the moment but it's always there. Lessons mean you have the chance to get it right the second time. Everyone doesn't always get a second chance. Tomorrow is not promised. 

So on to it. What 2013 Taught Me... 

Life does not happen on your time: My nephew turned 3 this year and at the top of the list of things to concerning him was to get him to go to the bathroom. He's such a intelligent child. Picks up things quickly and has an vocabulary beyond his 3 years, but going to the bathroom was not on his list of things to do... much to our frustration. We had tried it all to no avail, then one day, he just decides to start going to the bathroom... on his own. You see, no matter how much we wanted him to do it, it wasn't gonna happen until he was good and ready. He wasn't on our time. 

You have got to live life: So often we sit around and wait... and wait... and wait.. For what? The right time? When things are ideal or "perfect". The biggest lesson for me  this year is that life happens whether you are prepared for it or not. Life is good things, bad things, happy things, sad things. Many of which you will never be prepared for.  I wasn't prepared for the cancer scare I had this year, my best friend and her baby dying from pregnancy complications, or my grandmother passing away, even though she was almost 90. I wasn't prepared for the turmoil my love life became or the constant panic I was in when another friend started having pregnancy complications. She had a Beautiful baby girl this month, both are good and healthy. But those things happened and I had to find a way to deal with it. Some days I didn't think I could. But God... (my Saints will know what that means, lol).

Be Fearless: We miss out on so much because we are sitting back scared of what "MIGHT'' happen. Sometimes we concentrate on the possibly "bad" happenings much that we forget about the fact that there is also the chance of a "good" happening. Either way can be beneficial because you can get what you want, and be appreciative. Or you can not get it and learn a lesson... and be appreciative. All things give you learning potential. Be appreciative. 

My lessons this year center around being thankful for life and living it to it's fullest potential. Every day won't be good. You won't feel like being thankful all the time. But you have to remember that, you get to live. You get to get up and do it again, do it better, be a lesson to someone else. Be thankful for that. Everyone doesn't get that same chance. 

Happy New Year. Be Thankful for Life. Live it to the fullest.. EVERYDAY. It is truly one of God's greatest blessings.

Why I wasn't ready for "Best Man Holiday"

So like many other people, I was so excited about the new "Best Man". I didn't go see it when it first came out but had heard from many that it was really good but a tearjerker. 

The movie was really good and from reports I already knew there would be a death in the movie(Sorry if you haven't seen it yet). But I honesty didn't realize how much I wasn't ready. 

Though the deaths weren't related, I couldn't help but relate to the losing of a friend unexpectedly. My sister, my best friend and her baby died just 3 weeks before she was due. It was sudden. It was unexpected. It was painful. I feel the pain of that loss everyday. 

Watching them get together in the movie and reconnect and their children play and grow up together just reminded that I will never get to do that with my Sister. We had so many things planned and things left that we wanted to do. God had a different plan.

So no, I was not in any way prepared for that stark reality while watching the movie and proceeded to ball like a baby. I'm barely holding it together typing this. 

Life is so unfair sometimes. And you can't help but sometimes wonder why certain things happen to certain people. Especially those that are the best kind of people that deserve nothing but the best. 

Always appreciate and show love to those around you. Life is short. 

Sometimes the cookies burn...

You know what sucks? When you are baking cookies and when you check them, they are not quite done so you figure you'd give another minute or two. But when you check back on them, they've passed the underdone stage and gone straight to overdone and hard. And you are sitting there disappointed because you've went through the trouble of mixing, measuring, and baking only to not be able to enjoy the finished product.THAT sucks! 

If there is nothing else I've learned this past 30 years(Whoa! I'm like... 30!! *takes moment*). Okay, where was I.. oh yeah. If nothing else, I've learned that sometimes the cookies burn. Lost..? Let me explain.

You can prepare and plan and think you have everything figured out and yet sometimes still be completely lost. Because no matter how much you prep, there is still an unseen variable that could possible mess up your plan. 

But what you can't do is allow it to throw you completely off. You have to let yourself be able to make mistakes. No one is perfect. The only reason there is a recipe for cookies is because someone burned a few batches before getting it right.  

Every now and then, you have to step back and reevaluate and find an alternative. That's why it's always good to have a contingency plan. 

Oh, and those overdone and hard cookies.... break them up and put them in ice cream or throw them out. There's always the next batch. And with those you'll be more watchful. 

The beauty of life is there is always a second(or third, or fourth) chance. 

30 Slightly Random, Slightly Unknown, Slightly Weird Facts about the New 30 Year Old Me!

I like to eat plain Tortilla Chips. I don't need any dip or salsa or anything.

I love to combine my snacks with a salty and a sweet(i.e popcorn and ice cream)

I could watch House Hunters, Property Virgins, NCIS, Big Bang Theory, and any cooking show on Food Network, everyday, all day.

I want to be an Author. I am currently in the process of writing 5 different books(probably why none are finished.)

I find it hard to write the more.. "intimate" scenes in my books. That's also part of the reason why none are finished.

I wanted to be a pediatrician when I was a kid but changed my mind after learning how long it would take.

I love watching movies. "What's Love Got To Do With It? and The Color Purple are my favorite movies.

I will read just about anything. "The Coldest Winter Ever" by Sista Souljah is my favorite book.

I have a thing about things being even.. I don't particularly care for odd numbers. Which is weird considering I was born on one {23}.

I count things.. Steps, squares in the floor, number of seconds/minutes between certain things, the mile markers between exits on the interstate. It's random... and weird.

I wanted like 10 kids when I was younger... 5 naturally, 5 adopted. Yeahhhh... that plan has changed dramatically.

If I get too tickled, start laughing and can't stop, often I will start crying and/or suddenly have to pee. But the sad thing is I often can't stop laughing long enough to pee.

I can spend HOURS in the tub. No one understands it but give me a book, some music, bubbles and candles and I'm gone for at least 2-3 hours...sometimes longer.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE to read. It's my favorite pastime. And I can do it all day everyday.

The first ever sports team I loved was the Dallas Cowboys.

I've only in recent years become a fan of the NBA. My favorite team is the Boston Celtics. (well.. until Paul got traded) :-(

I love to cook. I want to go to culinary school. Though what happens after that is still undecided.

I hate leftovers. Well except for the few things you are supposed to eat the second day (chili, soup, Thanksgiving, Christmas).

I believe in "Happily Ever After". I know many today think it's as elusive as the Loch Ness Monster but I know it's there. You just have to work to get it and keep it.

I'm a sucker for a corny, romantic, "loves win in the end" movie. 

I am in the top 10 of "World's Worst Procrastinators" where it comes to anything that has to do with myself. Now other people's business... I handle with no problem. 

I really want to travel the world. As of now, the only places I've visited are Atlanta, Ga, Dallas, TX, Indianapolis, IN, St. Louis, MO, Springfield, IL, and North Carolina. 

I cannot stand the taste of coffee. Also, if you use bleach to wash your dishes I can't eat/drink from anything for a day or so because I can taste it. 

I typically tend to change the polish on my toes weekly, or at the most bi-weekly. I paint them myself. 

I had become addicted to Pinterest. So much so that I was spending hours perusing the site. I had to take a break from it. Now I only visit it once... daily. 

I am really into fashion. I don't talk about it much but I make sure and pay attention to all the trends for each season and add my spin on them. 

Bahama Breeze is one of my favorite restaurants. It also is the place where I had my first "legal" drink. It was an Amaretto Sour. 

Pineapple is my favorite fruit. I love it as a fruit, juice, soda, a candy, or on cake. 

I don't like cold fruit or salad. If it has been in the refrigerator I have to let it sit a few minutes before I eat it. 

I have worn glasses since I was about 12. I have gotten so used to seeing glasses on my face, I don't think I look right without them. 

As of today, I am 30 years old. The age I've been dreading since I turned 25. I hated for people to even refer to me as "almost 30". I don't know what it was about the number that terrified me. 

But today, I'm blessed to have made it this far. I'm thankful that I've been blessed with the life I have. It definitely has not always been smooth or easy but it has been a great ride. I'm thankful for the lessons I've learned, the trials and tribulations I've been through and what they've taught me. I'm thankful for the people that I've met and the things I've learned from them. I'm thankful for any good influence I've had on anyone else. 

I'm thankful for my family and friends and for always them being there for me. I'm thankful for God continuing to love me even we have a difference of opinion. 

I'm thankful for the first 30 years and excited about the next 30. 

Be Blessed. 

A Few Unknown "Shani" facts...

Did you know...?

1)Stemming from a traumatic experience as a child at the zoo, Shani was afraid of giraffes. 

2)If she could have had her way, Shani could have existed off of "Good" ice cream and juice.. and often did. 

3)She loved playing video games. Super Mario Kart (Wii) was one of her favorite games. 

4)If you ever had the privilege to view her website, you know she had a way with words like no other. But what you may not know was that she also was working several books (cookbook, fiction, life lessons).

5)Her favorite color was purple. She slightly detested pink but could deal with it when combined with other bright colors. 

6)She was the one that gave me my Twitter name "Candii_Pants". She called me "Pants" in real life and was often the cause of other people doing it as well. 

7)One of her favorite movies was "Groundhog Day".. which leads me to..

8)One of Shani's  favorite holidays was "Groundhog Day". Because it marks 6 months until her birthday. That's usually when she would start planning the festivities. 

9)Shani was always re-inventing herself. She got bored quickly and that definitely included her look. It was nothing for her to have black hair on Monday, and brown hair on Tuesday. Length was also subject to change at any moment. 

10)She was an AWESOME cook! I mean the girl could put things together that you would have never thought of and they would be nirvana to the taste buds. 

Today would have been my bestie, Shani's 36th Birthday. She always made a HUGE deal about her birthday. It would often be a celebration that lasted over a few days that included festivities with her hubby, her mom, and her girls. She considered her birthday her "New Year". Unfortunately, my sister left this earth on May 3, 2013. She isn't here to celebrate and though I hate it, I don't yet have it in me to celebrate without her. Not publicly anyway. I'll have my own private celebration. 

I Love You Shani. <3

To Be or Not To Be... Seen?

You ever have those moments where you make an off-hand comment, typically meaning nothing but upon further scrutiny really says a lot? This happened to me recently. 

I was talking to my guy about the day out I had had with my friend Kellee. It was a typical "Girls Day" that included shopping at various stores, eating, girl talk, and of course checking for guys. I was particularly interested in sharing the part about the guys because it had occurred to me that day that I no longer was that girl. I no longer go out with the intention of picking up a guy. I realized that this was because I felt my guy provided what I needed so I no outside interest was necessary. I thought it cool to share this particular point of interest with my guy because I figured it would put a smile on his face. (It did :-)) 

As I was sharing the interaction between my girl and one of the many guys we'd encountered that day, my guy asked if any of the guys had showed an interest in me? 

My immediate response was "No, Guys don't see me when I'm with Kellee." 

It was automatic. It was honest. But it wasn't until I noticed the confusion/disbelief on his face that I realized how much weight my comment actually had. 

Kellee and I are both pretty brown skin girls that wear glasses and have natural hair (though I'm still transitioning). She is slightly taller than my 5'4 1/2" in and has legs for days. That is where our similarity in looks ends. Kellee is a size 7 and I a size 24. She's also very outspoken and will start a conversation with anybody. I'm more quiet, more sit back and watch.

I can't tell you how many times we've been out and approached by a guy(s), that speak or acknowledge me as an afterthought. It wasn't something that I paid much attention to. In fact,  I've always laughed about it or even made a joke because it never surprised me. 

Anyway, it wasn't until I said that to my guy that I realized that somewhere along the way I had come to accept being invisible. I've never been one that had to be the center of attention but I've always held my own. I've lost that. And I don't like it.  

Baby Boom

It seems that 2013 is going to be a great year for so many of my friends. Three (so far) great couples I know are going to become parents for the first time. I’m so excited for them. I know they are going to make great parents. So I got to thinking I know there are plenty of parenting books, blogs, magazines out to tell you everything under the sun about kids but I figured I’d add a few things from my point of view.

Well first let me clarify… I’m not technically a “parent”. I mean, I haven’t had any kids personally. I’m not a mother. But as I have been taking care of my nephew since he was six weeks old, I’m qualified to use the word “Parent”. There have been many lessons over the past 2 ½ and some were learned the hard way. Here are some of my top ones…

Just go ahead and accept that there you won’t be using the bathroom in peace for a few years… This of course becomes more of a problem when they start crawling or walking but even as an infant, you are still hesitant to leave them alone for too long. (We've all heard those “I only left him for a second” stories). Of course, if you have a toddler, you won’t have to worry about leaving them alone because unless they are in a play pen or some other way ensconced, they will be knocking at the door (or in Tahj’s case, opening it). I've learned that kids think you going to the bathroom mean you want to talk. Hopefully you’ll have someone else around to help and y’all will be able to take turns. (Note: This also applies to showers)

You need to also accept that your days of eating a meal or having a drink alone are also over. Now of course there will be things that a child can’t eat or drink but I promise that won’t stop them from trying.  You will also need to accept that your meals will at times will be a lot more kid-oriented because sometimes it’s just easier that way (Chicken nuggets anyone?) Speaking of Chicken nuggets, as your kid gets old enough to eat solid food; they will definitely become a staple in your home. A lot of people like to hit up McDonald’s on the regular but I find it’s easier (and cheaper) to just keep a bag in the freezer.  Or make your own. Also be aware that your child will have food preferences and that they will change. Tahj loves bananas, grapes, and pears. He doesn't like apples but likes applesauce. He likes potatoes, broccoli, and salad; doesn't like green beans or white rice. He doesn't like eggs, LOVES oatmeal. When he was younger he wouldn't eat bacon, now he requests it.  As a matter of fact, if we let him, he could live on chicken nuggets, French fries, bananas, bacon, and oatmeal.

You will come to reverently appreciate any kid-friendly television program that keeps your kids attention for more than 5 minutes. Now I know a lot of parents don’t want their kids just sitting in front of the television for hours. But 30 minutes or an hour here or there certainly won’t hurt. Tahj loves music so “Yo Gabba Gabba!” has become a favorite of his. Plus they teach through song. Trust me… You’ll need that half hour.

You will suddenly acquire a pet… that pet would be a parrot. Tahj repeats EVERYTHING! Thankfully he doesn't say the bad words. As a matter of fact he admonishes us not to say them. But everything else is fair game. He even gets the different nuances of your voice accurate.

As they grow older, they will become fiercely independent. They will think that they can do any and everything by themselves. On one hand that’s exactly what you want. You want them to be self-assured and confident. You want them to be able to take care of themselves. But, it also makes you feel a little sad. As time goes on, your “baby” won’t need you as much anymore. That stings a little. But you have to just suck it up and let them grow up. Of course there will be things they think they can do/handle that they can’t and you’ll have to step in but for me that’s just a little reminder that he’ll always need me in some way. J

Kids are tough… and resilient. And with Tahj, it seems like it’s multiplied. He is forever bumping into, falling off of, running into, and hitting some body part on… SOMETHING! My heart jumps to my throat on a daily basis dealing with him. He has so many cuts, scraps, and bruises on his body that people that don’t know any better might think he was abused. But I've learned to base my reaction based on his reaction. If he doesn't make a big deal about it, I don’t. If he cries he’s hurt, I “kiss it better” and we move on. Don’t dwell on it so he doesn't dwell on it. Most often, 10 seconds or so later he’s fine.

Don’t judge your child’s accomplishments based on other people’s thoughts or children. Children, just like people move at their own pace. Tahj stopped drinking from a bottle at 9 months, was walking by 1, and knew his ABCs and could count to 10 before he was 2. He’s a smart kid and picks up things quickly but he has setbacks too. Like this whole potty training thing is just not on his list of priorities. He’s about to be 3 and people have been like “Well, my little Danny was potty trained at 18 months”. Okay, good for Danny. There are things that Tahj can do that Danny can’t. Each kid is different. And of course environment plays a part in that as well.

Last but not least, get prepared to become “that” person. The one that everything that comes out of your mouth has to do with your child and their numerous “I know this is common and every kid does it but not like how my kid did it” achievements. I used to talk about those people… then I became one. The first year of Tahj’s life every other statement was about him.  But it’s hard not to when you are spending so much time with one little perfect person. And because they are that little perfect person everything that they do is newsworthy.

I think the best thing I can say is to just follow your instincts. Regardless of what the books say, your Mom says, or other parents say, do what feels good to you. 

Which Are You?

Grandmother Says... Carrots, Eggs, or Coffee; "Which are you?"

A young woman went to her grandmother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved a new one arose.

Her grandmother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water. In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs and the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her granddaughter, she asked, "Tell me what do you see?"

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they got soft.She then asked her to take an egg and break it.

After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.

Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The granddaughter smiled, as she tasted its rich aroma. The granddaughter then asked. "What's the point,grandmother?"

Her grandmother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity--boiling water--but each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her granddaughter.

"When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I?

Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff?

Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate to another level?

---AUTHOR UNKNOWN

*I didn't write this. I came across it on Facebook and thought it so thought provoking that it needed to be shared. We all go through things. You can either let your situation change you... or change your situation. Your choice.*

What 2012 Taught Me

*Note: This post is 2 days late because as I was about to post it  on New Year's Eve, my laptop decided to act a monkey and totally erase my post. I had not saved it yet which meant I would have to retype the whole thing. That wasn't possible that night or yesterday so... here you are. *

What 2012 Taught Me:

It’s the end of another year and what better a time than to reflect on all the lessons learned and experiences had. 2012 was a pretty decent year for me. It was definitely better than 2011. For that, I’m extremely thankful. The past 12 months have been very educational for me… as a woman, as a sister, as a friend. As they say, “You live and you learn”. A few things I've learned this year…

Buck the Rules: Now I know we have rules for a reason. Whether it is to keep us safe or out of trouble, rules are needed. But I’m talking about “Life” rules. Far too often, we go through life living it as other people see fit. We do things as to not go against the grain… or have people looking down on you. But what kind of life is that? The very best thing you could ever do for you in life is to do what makes you happy. Sometimes that involves bucking the rules. This, in my opinion, makes it so much more fun.

Don’t make rash decisions based on temporary emotions: When we are angry or upset, or our emotions are high… we may not be thinking clearly or rationally and that is the worst time to make a life altering decision. It is always best to think things through. I like to weigh the pros and cons of everything (I am also a Libra, the sign of the Scales). While everything tends to have its pluses and minuses, you never want to make a life altering rash decision based on how you’re feeling at the time and then later realize it was the wrong one. Some things you can’t take back and I’m sorry doesn't always cut it.

Have a plan: This one kind of piggybacks off the previous one but it is relevant nonetheless. I think one of the worst things to do is decide to do something without fully having a plan. You need to know what you want, how you plan to get it, and what you are going to do if the original plan doesn't work out. You need to have a plan A… and B… and possibly C. It’s good to be prepared for any curves life chooses to suddenly throw at you.

Don’t stress over what you can’t change: I must say, this is probably the biggest lesson for me. I admit I have control issues. I don’t think I’m that bad, but it’s definitely there. I want the people I love and care about to live their best life. I want them to be healthy. I want them to be happy. I want them to plan and save and organize. I want them to do the things I KNOW will make their lives better. (See that control freak coming out?). The problem with that is when those things don’t happen, it frustrates me. Which makes me mad or sad or irritated… which leads me to stressing… which then affects my overall being. I have realized that the best thing I can do is provide information and let people decide whether they want to use it or not. In the end, I've done my part. I can’t change others, but I can change me.

I’m going into 2013 with a better sense of the Me that I am and the Me that I want to be. 2013 will be the year of ME! I can’t wait.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!