My Mother's Daughter

My brothers and I have an ongoing joke where we pass our Mother off on one another. We'll say, "That's YOUR Mother". It's mainly when she has done or said something off the wall. Which happens pretty regularly. So she tends to get passed around a lot. LOL.

As I've gotten older, I realize more and more that my Mom and I have a lot more in common than I would have ever believed.  I definitely get more than my good looks and great hair from her. As kid and teenager there was no way in the world I would have ever believed my Mom understood anything about how I was feeling or what I was going through. 

I mean how could she? She was Mom. And it was a different time and things were done differently now, and blah, blah, blah. It's funny how often that is said. And we're always so wrong. True, the drama kids face today may have a different look but it's still the same drama. It's the same things I went through, and my Mom before, and her Mom before her. So I'm grateful that when my Mom said I would be okay and I would get through it, she wasn't just trying to make me feel better. She knew what she was talking about. 

I've learned that in so many ways my Mom and I have lived the same life. We both are readers and revel in our solitude. Both have funny appetites that call for everything at one point and nothing at all, the next. We both were "Guys Girls", meaning we hung with the fellas more so than the girls. We both love our solitude and sleep. We firmly believe in sleeping. 

My build is all my Mom. My slightly bowed legs (no slightly to hers though, she's full on), my milk chocolate soft skin, and my great hair... All her. I get my love of life from her. My ability to forgive and let go as well as my ability to take people at their best and not dwell on the worst because in the end we all have our bad moments . All her. We love deep. And when we love, we love for real. We've both had heartache. We've both felt like outcasts and that no understood us.

And as I've recently learned,  we've both been irreparably hurt by someone that we never would have thought would hurt us. And when we confessed the hurt, no one believed us. 
That is the one thing I wish we didn't share. That is the one thing I wish neither of us had to experience. 

Some things we go through, they are like a mosquito bite. Annoying but pay it no mind and it's not lasting. You feel in that moment and for a little while after but it goes away. Other things are like a cut. It hurts. You feel it deep, It takes longer to go away and even when it does the scar is still there to remind you of it. We have the same scars. 

I think as children, one of our greatest fallacies is that we tend to forget that our parents aren't perfect... That they've made mistakes and bad decisions and gone through some things just like us. But as parents they consider it their duty to shield us from those things. And it's not an act of deception but of protection.

Parents Protect. It's what they do. It's what they were made for. Sometimes we can feel like that protection is too much (and sometimes it is), but they do the best they can. And as children we need to be more appreciative of that. They won't always be right. But their as right as the can be with the experiences that they've had.  I appreciate my Mom and her experiences. 

She's the reason I'm so GREAT! ;-)

What 2013 Taught Me...

I sit here typing this yet still can't believe it is the end of the year. Like.. literally, today is the last day. Where did the year go??? It seems like just weeks ago I was doing my "What 2012 Taught Me" blog, and here I am doing another one. Time sure seems to be moving faster than it has in the past.. Or is that just me? 

I must say 2013 started okay then kinda went downhill from there. It really wasn't a great year for me. Now that's not to say I'm not appreciative of everything or for the mere fact that I'm still here.. but, it was rough. I saw someone say online today that they couldn't understand why people were saying they had bad year seeing as how they were still alive and many others weren't. I feel like being appreciative of life is about much more than being alive. 

Some days you can't appreciate the struggle. Some days you don't know how you are gonna  go on... or even if you want to. Some days you feel like you just can't take it anymore. Those are rough days... and that's putting it mildly. I've had quite a few rough days this year.. I've shed more tears.. I've had more sad moments than I have in a while. I've had more "Why is nothing in my life going right" panics and all that. Yeah... rough. 

But I'd be remiss if I didn't also say, I've laughed. I've met some great people. I've been lucky to receive more love than ever before. And I've learned. I'm always grateful for lessons. I may not be grateful in the moment but it's always there. Lessons mean you have the chance to get it right the second time. Everyone doesn't always get a second chance. Tomorrow is not promised. 

So on to it. What 2013 Taught Me... 

Life does not happen on your time: My nephew turned 3 this year and at the top of the list of things to concerning him was to get him to go to the bathroom. He's such a intelligent child. Picks up things quickly and has an vocabulary beyond his 3 years, but going to the bathroom was not on his list of things to do... much to our frustration. We had tried it all to no avail, then one day, he just decides to start going to the bathroom... on his own. You see, no matter how much we wanted him to do it, it wasn't gonna happen until he was good and ready. He wasn't on our time. 

You have got to live life: So often we sit around and wait... and wait... and wait.. For what? The right time? When things are ideal or "perfect". The biggest lesson for me  this year is that life happens whether you are prepared for it or not. Life is good things, bad things, happy things, sad things. Many of which you will never be prepared for.  I wasn't prepared for the cancer scare I had this year, my best friend and her baby dying from pregnancy complications, or my grandmother passing away, even though she was almost 90. I wasn't prepared for the turmoil my love life became or the constant panic I was in when another friend started having pregnancy complications. She had a Beautiful baby girl this month, both are good and healthy. But those things happened and I had to find a way to deal with it. Some days I didn't think I could. But God... (my Saints will know what that means, lol).

Be Fearless: We miss out on so much because we are sitting back scared of what "MIGHT'' happen. Sometimes we concentrate on the possibly "bad" happenings much that we forget about the fact that there is also the chance of a "good" happening. Either way can be beneficial because you can get what you want, and be appreciative. Or you can not get it and learn a lesson... and be appreciative. All things give you learning potential. Be appreciative. 

My lessons this year center around being thankful for life and living it to it's fullest potential. Every day won't be good. You won't feel like being thankful all the time. But you have to remember that, you get to live. You get to get up and do it again, do it better, be a lesson to someone else. Be thankful for that. Everyone doesn't get that same chance. 

Happy New Year. Be Thankful for Life. Live it to the fullest.. EVERYDAY. It is truly one of God's greatest blessings.

Why I wasn't ready for "Best Man Holiday"

So like many other people, I was so excited about the new "Best Man". I didn't go see it when it first came out but had heard from many that it was really good but a tearjerker. 

The movie was really good and from reports I already knew there would be a death in the movie(Sorry if you haven't seen it yet). But I honesty didn't realize how much I wasn't ready. 

Though the deaths weren't related, I couldn't help but relate to the losing of a friend unexpectedly. My sister, my best friend and her baby died just 3 weeks before she was due. It was sudden. It was unexpected. It was painful. I feel the pain of that loss everyday. 

Watching them get together in the movie and reconnect and their children play and grow up together just reminded that I will never get to do that with my Sister. We had so many things planned and things left that we wanted to do. God had a different plan.

So no, I was not in any way prepared for that stark reality while watching the movie and proceeded to ball like a baby. I'm barely holding it together typing this. 

Life is so unfair sometimes. And you can't help but sometimes wonder why certain things happen to certain people. Especially those that are the best kind of people that deserve nothing but the best. 

Always appreciate and show love to those around you. Life is short. 

Sometimes the cookies burn...

You know what sucks? When you are baking cookies and when you check them, they are not quite done so you figure you'd give another minute or two. But when you check back on them, they've passed the underdone stage and gone straight to overdone and hard. And you are sitting there disappointed because you've went through the trouble of mixing, measuring, and baking only to not be able to enjoy the finished product.THAT sucks! 

If there is nothing else I've learned this past 30 years(Whoa! I'm like... 30!! *takes moment*). Okay, where was I.. oh yeah. If nothing else, I've learned that sometimes the cookies burn. Lost..? Let me explain.

You can prepare and plan and think you have everything figured out and yet sometimes still be completely lost. Because no matter how much you prep, there is still an unseen variable that could possible mess up your plan. 

But what you can't do is allow it to throw you completely off. You have to let yourself be able to make mistakes. No one is perfect. The only reason there is a recipe for cookies is because someone burned a few batches before getting it right.  

Every now and then, you have to step back and reevaluate and find an alternative. That's why it's always good to have a contingency plan. 

Oh, and those overdone and hard cookies.... break them up and put them in ice cream or throw them out. There's always the next batch. And with those you'll be more watchful. 

The beauty of life is there is always a second(or third, or fourth) chance. 

30 Slightly Random, Slightly Unknown, Slightly Weird Facts about the New 30 Year Old Me!

I like to eat plain Tortilla Chips. I don't need any dip or salsa or anything.

I love to combine my snacks with a salty and a sweet(i.e popcorn and ice cream)

I could watch House Hunters, Property Virgins, NCIS, Big Bang Theory, and any cooking show on Food Network, everyday, all day.

I want to be an Author. I am currently in the process of writing 5 different books(probably why none are finished.)

I find it hard to write the more.. "intimate" scenes in my books. That's also part of the reason why none are finished.

I wanted to be a pediatrician when I was a kid but changed my mind after learning how long it would take.

I love watching movies. "What's Love Got To Do With It? and The Color Purple are my favorite movies.

I will read just about anything. "The Coldest Winter Ever" by Sista Souljah is my favorite book.

I have a thing about things being even.. I don't particularly care for odd numbers. Which is weird considering I was born on one {23}.

I count things.. Steps, squares in the floor, number of seconds/minutes between certain things, the mile markers between exits on the interstate. It's random... and weird.

I wanted like 10 kids when I was younger... 5 naturally, 5 adopted. Yeahhhh... that plan has changed dramatically.

If I get too tickled, start laughing and can't stop, often I will start crying and/or suddenly have to pee. But the sad thing is I often can't stop laughing long enough to pee.

I can spend HOURS in the tub. No one understands it but give me a book, some music, bubbles and candles and I'm gone for at least 2-3 hours...sometimes longer.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE to read. It's my favorite pastime. And I can do it all day everyday.

The first ever sports team I loved was the Dallas Cowboys.

I've only in recent years become a fan of the NBA. My favorite team is the Boston Celtics. (well.. until Paul got traded) :-(

I love to cook. I want to go to culinary school. Though what happens after that is still undecided.

I hate leftovers. Well except for the few things you are supposed to eat the second day (chili, soup, Thanksgiving, Christmas).

I believe in "Happily Ever After". I know many today think it's as elusive as the Loch Ness Monster but I know it's there. You just have to work to get it and keep it.

I'm a sucker for a corny, romantic, "loves win in the end" movie. 

I am in the top 10 of "World's Worst Procrastinators" where it comes to anything that has to do with myself. Now other people's business... I handle with no problem. 

I really want to travel the world. As of now, the only places I've visited are Atlanta, Ga, Dallas, TX, Indianapolis, IN, St. Louis, MO, Springfield, IL, and North Carolina. 

I cannot stand the taste of coffee. Also, if you use bleach to wash your dishes I can't eat/drink from anything for a day or so because I can taste it. 

I typically tend to change the polish on my toes weekly, or at the most bi-weekly. I paint them myself. 

I had become addicted to Pinterest. So much so that I was spending hours perusing the site. I had to take a break from it. Now I only visit it once... daily. 

I am really into fashion. I don't talk about it much but I make sure and pay attention to all the trends for each season and add my spin on them. 

Bahama Breeze is one of my favorite restaurants. It also is the place where I had my first "legal" drink. It was an Amaretto Sour. 

Pineapple is my favorite fruit. I love it as a fruit, juice, soda, a candy, or on cake. 

I don't like cold fruit or salad. If it has been in the refrigerator I have to let it sit a few minutes before I eat it. 

I have worn glasses since I was about 12. I have gotten so used to seeing glasses on my face, I don't think I look right without them. 

As of today, I am 30 years old. The age I've been dreading since I turned 25. I hated for people to even refer to me as "almost 30". I don't know what it was about the number that terrified me. 

But today, I'm blessed to have made it this far. I'm thankful that I've been blessed with the life I have. It definitely has not always been smooth or easy but it has been a great ride. I'm thankful for the lessons I've learned, the trials and tribulations I've been through and what they've taught me. I'm thankful for the people that I've met and the things I've learned from them. I'm thankful for any good influence I've had on anyone else. 

I'm thankful for my family and friends and for always them being there for me. I'm thankful for God continuing to love me even we have a difference of opinion. 

I'm thankful for the first 30 years and excited about the next 30. 

Be Blessed. 

A Few Unknown "Shani" facts...

Did you know...?

1)Stemming from a traumatic experience as a child at the zoo, Shani was afraid of giraffes. 

2)If she could have had her way, Shani could have existed off of "Good" ice cream and juice.. and often did. 

3)She loved playing video games. Super Mario Kart (Wii) was one of her favorite games. 

4)If you ever had the privilege to view her website, you know she had a way with words like no other. But what you may not know was that she also was working several books (cookbook, fiction, life lessons).

5)Her favorite color was purple. She slightly detested pink but could deal with it when combined with other bright colors. 

6)She was the one that gave me my Twitter name "Candii_Pants". She called me "Pants" in real life and was often the cause of other people doing it as well. 

7)One of her favorite movies was "Groundhog Day".. which leads me to..

8)One of Shani's  favorite holidays was "Groundhog Day". Because it marks 6 months until her birthday. That's usually when she would start planning the festivities. 

9)Shani was always re-inventing herself. She got bored quickly and that definitely included her look. It was nothing for her to have black hair on Monday, and brown hair on Tuesday. Length was also subject to change at any moment. 

10)She was an AWESOME cook! I mean the girl could put things together that you would have never thought of and they would be nirvana to the taste buds. 

Today would have been my bestie, Shani's 36th Birthday. She always made a HUGE deal about her birthday. It would often be a celebration that lasted over a few days that included festivities with her hubby, her mom, and her girls. She considered her birthday her "New Year". Unfortunately, my sister left this earth on May 3, 2013. She isn't here to celebrate and though I hate it, I don't yet have it in me to celebrate without her. Not publicly anyway. I'll have my own private celebration. 

I Love You Shani. <3

To Be or Not To Be... Seen?

You ever have those moments where you make an off-hand comment, typically meaning nothing but upon further scrutiny really says a lot? This happened to me recently. 

I was talking to my guy about the day out I had had with my friend Kellee. It was a typical "Girls Day" that included shopping at various stores, eating, girl talk, and of course checking for guys. I was particularly interested in sharing the part about the guys because it had occurred to me that day that I no longer was that girl. I no longer go out with the intention of picking up a guy. I realized that this was because I felt my guy provided what I needed so I no outside interest was necessary. I thought it cool to share this particular point of interest with my guy because I figured it would put a smile on his face. (It did :-)) 

As I was sharing the interaction between my girl and one of the many guys we'd encountered that day, my guy asked if any of the guys had showed an interest in me? 

My immediate response was "No, Guys don't see me when I'm with Kellee." 

It was automatic. It was honest. But it wasn't until I noticed the confusion/disbelief on his face that I realized how much weight my comment actually had. 

Kellee and I are both pretty brown skin girls that wear glasses and have natural hair (though I'm still transitioning). She is slightly taller than my 5'4 1/2" in and has legs for days. That is where our similarity in looks ends. Kellee is a size 7 and I a size 24. She's also very outspoken and will start a conversation with anybody. I'm more quiet, more sit back and watch.

I can't tell you how many times we've been out and approached by a guy(s), that speak or acknowledge me as an afterthought. It wasn't something that I paid much attention to. In fact,  I've always laughed about it or even made a joke because it never surprised me. 

Anyway, it wasn't until I said that to my guy that I realized that somewhere along the way I had come to accept being invisible. I've never been one that had to be the center of attention but I've always held my own. I've lost that. And I don't like it.